Why he’s not texting you back is a question that has plagued us since the dawn of time… well, not the dawn of time, but ya know, the past decade or so. We all want answers but in reality the reasons that he won’t text you back could be infinite, and you could go crazy trying to think of them all. But essentially all these reasons fall into two main categories:
- he’s not replying because he doesn’t want to talk to you
- he does want to talk to you but there is a genuine reason that he can’t or hasn’t
The first one is probably the hardest one to accept but it’s not complicated or convoluted, if he doesn’t want to talk to you, he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe a bit brutal but there you are, he just doesn’t want to know.
There are maybe lots of reasons he doesn’t want to talk to you but one of the main ones is he doesn’t want to appear to come on too strong. This is a male pride thing, ‘treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen’, it’s childish and bullshit but there you have it. And to be honest, if he’s pulling that high school crap then you don’t want a guy like that texting you in the first place.
The second load of reasons is that he can’t, there is the possibility that there is a legit reason that he couldn’t get back to you. He’s got no internet, phone broke, text didn’t get through, there are any number of reasons. But this itself raises problems, like, how the hell are you supposed to tell the difference between if he doesn’t want to talk or wants to but there is a genuine reason he hasn’t.
To combat this problem I usually employ the, 1 double text rule; if he hasn’t replied, it could be for any one of the above reasons, but just to rule out that he actually has a genuine reason and maybe even just forgot, wait a day, even two then either text him something completely different or something like, ‘hey, did you get my text?’ in a casual, aloof way. If he responds like, shit sorry, etc etc then go from there but if not then, sorry to be harsh but it’s now very likely that he just doesn’t want to speak to you.
Also, while you’re waiting for said text, you don’t know if he’s seen the message or opened it or whatever. If you WANT to know, use Facebook or Whatsapp or something that shows you if they’ve seen your message. It just decreases the anxiety a bit of if he hasn’t seen it and that’s why he hasn’t replied or if he has seen it and is ignoring you…
Either way, now you know, it’s always better than wondering and obsessing over it in a state of limbo; you can start getting over it either way. Close the book and move on and whatever you do, DO NOT agonize over it and try to forget it. Better yet, if you are waiting on a reply, I know it’ll be hard but try to forget that you’re even waiting for a text. If you obsess over it and think about it all the time, it’ll drive you mad.
To finish off, my personal thoughts on ghosting; it confuses me. In some circumstances I think its ok, in others I think it’s awful. Sometimes if it’s just a random message off a guy and you just don’t feel like responding, you don’t know them, don’t owe them anything then I feel like not responding is ok. However, if you’ve been meeting up or something, or he’s told you that he will respond and you guys have let’s call it a ‘thing’ then ghosting is not ok, from either side. Even if they’ve lost interest, then anyone should have the common courtesy to say actually ‘nah I’m ok’, even if it is over text and even if it is blunt and rude (which, personally I don’t agree with but it’s better than nothing). At least then you have an answer and you know and you can carry on, opposed to waiting and wondering and feeling listless that it fizzled out.
So lesson here people, don’t just ghost when you’ve got something going with someone, be decent and at least give them a response or an explanation.
On a separate note, here’s a link which is related that I think you might enjoy… let me know what you think in the comments!!